The phone calls.

What is that noise, that incessant noise? I mean I know what it is, but it doesn’t seem to register in my brain. There is an ocean very close to me. The opening into a huge vastness. Some might say an emptiness. That noise is what reminds me that men and beast try to navigate that vastness, with only gravity and stars as theirs guides, all the time.

I take great comfort in the steely grayness that currently surrounds my existence. Ocean. Sea. The fortune of my forefathers was made in these waters. Some might say, “Well, not THESE waters.”, but I would argue. All water, all ocean is connected. The space we view as empty, desolate is teaming with life, and they drew that life from the water and fed their fellow man.

That isn’t what bothers me tonight. Tonight I here the fog horn and think about the dangers of the sea. Teeming with life it may be, but put a human alone out on the ocean and they will die. I guess what puzzles me is how can such a juxtaposition even exist. Being surrounded by an element required to maintain life, and yet, were you to be lost, totally unable to maintain life in the midst of it all.

And then I realize what is really bothering me. The sound. The reminders. The world has unseen dangers. Boats run ashore in the fog. Babies have disease lurking within them that no amount of technology can fix. Being nice to everyone does not stave off war.

I do not intend to be morbid. I am thrilled to be here, near the sea. I just find it odd that the one thing that so readily reminds me of that, is so discomforting.

That being said, it is strange to read an inconsistent voice. I’m not sure if it is OK or not.

Went out for fun with the work gang tonight. Reminded me of old times in good and bad ways. Now I am cold and cannot stop the shivering.

I am a very strange mix of happy and sad when I think about someone’s life and how it is playing out. How the puzzle pieces fit together, and how much we choose our own fate.